I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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