I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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