You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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