You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
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Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
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He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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