im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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