So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
fuck your aforementioned shoe
smell my finger.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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