i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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