Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
