we have pet lesbian snakes
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Houston, we have a blender
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Someone signed my nipple.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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