i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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