apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
