I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
