Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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