Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I got inside last night via doggy door
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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