Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
