Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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