My friends, they love my intelligence
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
