it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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