I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
