last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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