Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
