Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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