Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
