come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
