we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
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We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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