she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How naked do you want me to be?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
