So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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