If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
