I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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