I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
