smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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