last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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