I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
