The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
