Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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