I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
