I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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