And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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