About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
