mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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