god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
