so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
