Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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