Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
