you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
