I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
