I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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