Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
