NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
