The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
