Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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