Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
