Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
