A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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