when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
