yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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