so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
