Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
